he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
