would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
