Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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