This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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