Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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