We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I hope mine doesn't look like that
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize