well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
