I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Found your dick twin last night
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize