We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
