i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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