What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize