Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
