i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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