On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
