It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
