I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
