Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
