You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
