Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
