I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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