dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
