Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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