Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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