just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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