Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
