Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
