He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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