worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
