I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
