2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize