well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
