capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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