Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You smell like stripper and shame
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
