what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
