dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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