Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
