mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
His nipple licking is glorious
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