Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
