so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
