i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
