Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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