Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
