I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
