Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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