It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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