I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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