I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
MIDGETS
????
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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