you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
