I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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