So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize