Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
