I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
