I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Sorry about my life...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
