i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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