Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
