Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
