u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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