I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
they need to just BURY HIM!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
