I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
