i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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