it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
