Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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