Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
