R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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