OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
did i just pee glitter
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
