Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
